Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Hey, good morning, Christ Church, and welcome to our online experience. I'm so glad you're joining with us today. And before I begin, I just have to acknowledge how amazing last Sunday was at our annual Lakeview service. Man, we had the privilege of baptizing 27 people, and I was so thankful for that. And church, I just want you to know God is using you. God is working through our church, and I am so excited for all that God has in store for our future.
[00:00:35] And as we are in the middle of July, this is our church's Sabbath month and it's our summer schedule. So today is our annual church picnic where we bring all generations together and we talk about what it means to be one church as the people of God. And today we're going to talk about building our families and how to do that, what that means, what that looks like. But just before we do, would you bow your head in prayer with me?
[00:01:00] Father, I thank you so much for your idea of family.
[00:01:05] I thank you, Lord, that you invite us to be part of your family and you entrust us with our families here on this earth. Father, I pray that you would shape our families by your goodness and by your wisdom.
[00:01:20] And I pray we would learn from you and we would receive from you. Father, I ask just a special blessing on any family that is tuning in today, and it's been hard and they're facing struggles. I pray your wisdom and your grace would meet them. And Father, help us just to wisely approach our families as we look to the future and also figure out how to relate to each other in the present.
[00:01:46] Ask for these blessings in the good name of Jesus.
[00:01:49] Amen.
[00:01:51] Well, I believe that, you know, any job you're doing at the house, anything you're trying to fix, you need the right tool for it. And probably many of us have been trying to do something and you're like, all right, I need to buy a tool for this because this will be way easier or it will be impossible to do it without the right tool. And. And a few months ago, I was doing this thing in my backyard and I realized that I needed a sawzall.
[00:02:17] And so I was like, man, I need to find one. And I wanted to find one that was like this. It was just kind of. You hold it with one hand. And so I went to Lowe's and sure enough, they had a sawzall that looked just like this. And it was a one handed one. And even better, it was on sale. It was like a return or something like that. It was out of the package. So I'm like, man, this is amazing. I found the right tool that I need. It's discounted. You know, things are going good for me today. And so I was like, I'm pretty sure I got a ton of these type of batteries that it needs at home. I'll be good to go. So I bought it, I brought it home. I pulled out all these chargeable batteries that I had, and none of them fit.
[00:03:03] And I was like, wait, what's going on here? Because I have a bunch of Milwaukee batteries, and this is a Milwaukee Sawzall. It's red and gray. It's got all these colors. It looks the same. And then I looked at it, and turns out it wasn't a Milwaukee.
[00:03:19] It was like some off brand that was so close. It's kind of like when you go and you're like, oh, here's Dr. Pepper, and it's Dr. Thunder. And you're like, that's so close, but. But it's not quite that. So none of these batteries worked. So I went back up to Lowe's to get a battery for it, and I'm looking, and the brand that it was, there were no batteries there.
[00:03:44] So I'm like, great. So I have the Sawzall, but I can't power it at all. And then finally, I searched Amazon and was finally able to find one, which ended up costing me way more than I got discounted on it. So, in other words, if I would have just began and I would have bought one that wasn't discounted, I would have been in better shape. You ever think you're getting a deal and then you're not? You know? But at the end of the day, I needed the right tool. And the good news is, is although it cost me more, I got the job done. And it turned out because you need the right tool to get the job done in the right way. And when we're building our families, the scriptures show us that there are certain tools that we need to build our families. Now, I think in our world today, we're tempted to think that the tools that we really need are more money, more time, nicer things, nicer vacations. And all those things can certainly be helpful and can certainly be good. And I hope you get more of all of them.
[00:04:50] But those are not the actual tools that we need today. I want to show you that the tools that you need, God has already given you. But you and I, we just need to put them to work. And here's what they are. This is Proverbs. 24, verse 3 through 4. It says this, by wisdom, a house is built. Now, when he's talking about house here, he's using it as a metaphor meaning a home, a family. He's not just talking about architecture and studs and frames and drywall, but this is how we build our families, our lives. By wisdom. We build. That's our first tool. And by understanding, it is established. That's our second tool, understanding. Or it is made sturdy, you could say, and by knowledge, that's our third tool.
[00:05:42] The rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
[00:05:50] Now, what he's not saying here is that wisdom, understanding, knowledge, that's how you get like beautiful furniture in your house, a really nice tv. He doesn't mean riches in that sense, but he mean riches in the sense of is your home a place of peace? Peace, because that's a great rich one of the great riches to have. Is your home filled with laughter? Is it filled with joy? Is it filled with a sense of loyalty and love for one another? So he said, if we put these tools to work, wisdom, understanding and knowledge, he says, then we will build families that are both sturdy, they're strong, they can endure the difficulties of life because life is hard. And your family, and my family, we're going to face curveballs, we're going to face unexpected challenges. And we need a sturdy foundation. We need to be able to weather that. He says these will build a sturdy home, but it will also build a home that enriches the people that are there. See, sometimes, unfortunately, you can grow up in a home that that doesn't enrich you. It takes away from you, it hurts you, it wounds you. But what Proverbs is interested in is helping us to build a home. Where you leave there and you are enriched, there is a sense of abundance. You have things to offer the world because so much has been poured into you. And so today I want to talk to you about our three tools that for building a strong, sturdy and enriched family. And they are wisdom. Now, when you hear wisdom, don't think of some person that knows all the answers that you need to be a sage, because I think we all know this already. You're not gonna know most of the answers that you're gonna face situations that you don't know what to do. But here's what wisdom really is in the book of Proverbs.
[00:07:53] It is your character. In other words, are you becoming a person of godly character?
[00:08:01] Wisdom is not knowledge. It's applied knowledge. It means I'm doing the things that are right and that are pleasing in God's sight, and they're actually becoming a part of my life. That's wisdom. Character. Understanding is insight.
[00:08:16] You see, understanding you get by looking around your life and paying attention.
[00:08:23] In other words, you can have understanding. If you are looking at your life and you're looking to learn, you're looking to gain insight, you're looking to reflect on who you are and what you're experiencing and what's happening. Insight is right in front of you. But you have to pay attention.
[00:08:44] See, how many times do you look at life and you're like, hey, why does this keep happening in my life? Why do I keep running into the same situation? And then all of a sudden you take a step back and you realize, okay, maybe I'm creating this situation.
[00:08:58] I'm bringing this into my life. See, that's what insight is. And it's very helpful because it helps you to get out of your own way. And we all need that. And then knowledge is information that I can't find right in front of me. I have to go somewhere else. I have to go to someone else and. And I have to get it. It's information that is helpful that I don't have right now, but is somewhere out there. And what the author is saying is, these are the tools that we need to put into play to build strong families that are enriching.
[00:09:38] Now, some of us right now, I just want to address this. Some of us are listening to this message. You're like, chet, this is a great message for my parents, but I'm a high school student.
[00:09:48] What does this have to do with me?
[00:09:50] I'm a junior high student.
[00:09:52] I'm in college. I'm an empty nester. I already. I had my shot at my family, but now they're doing their own thing. And I know some of you are watching and you're saying, hey, my life stage. Like, I appreciate what you're saying. Maybe this would have been helpful 20 years ago, or maybe this will be helpful 20 years in the future. But this isn't relevant to me. But I want to just stop for a second and I want to push back on that because this is relevant for all of us. And let me just give you a couple reasons why. Number one, if you are maybe a junior high, high school, college, you're a single adult.
[00:10:27] Look, God might have it as part of your life to have a family that might be part of the future that he has for you.
[00:10:36] And I just want to encourage you to start thinking about that. Now and to start thinking about the kind of husband or wife, father or mother you want to be and to begin to invite God into how you think about it and how you see it. Number two, here's the second deal. You may not be a mom or dad, aunt or uncle, whatever, but I believe you still are part of some family.
[00:11:03] You might be a son or daughter. And what I'm going to say today, you might be grandson or granddaughter.
[00:11:10] By learning and understanding these principles from God, they're going to help you relate to whatever family is around you better.
[00:11:18] And if you relate to them better, it will actually be healing for your soul and life giving to them. Because here's the truth. A lot of us grow up with family of origin issues.
[00:11:33] But as we learn even as adults to relate to our families as adults better, it begins to heal our souls.
[00:11:45] And so there could be healing and life in this. And then lastly, I would just say that family is a metaphor that God uses for being his church.
[00:11:56] That if you're a Christian, God considers you part of the family of God.
[00:12:01] And so all these principles are meant to help us to understand how to be the family of God to each other. So if you're a follower of Jesus, this all matters and we can learn from it all. So how do we put these ideas to practice? Well, let me just share a couple ideas. Number one, I'm a big believer in this. Speed of the leader, speed of the team.
[00:12:26] I can't give what I don't have.
[00:12:29] Now, if you are a mom or dad and or uncle, grandma or grandpa, and you have kind of a place of influence in your family, I want you to know that change always begins with them.
[00:12:47] No, it doesn't. I'm kidding. It begins with you.
[00:12:51] It begins by looking in the mirror and saying, look, if I want them to treat each other better, I need to treat them better. If I want our house to be filled with God's wisdom, I need to grow in God's wisdom. Speed of the leader, speed of the team. There's so many times in our life and we have a young family, I know many of you, you're decades ahead of me and you've learned these lessons, but I'm in the middle of a lot of them. But Allie and I, so many times the kids will be acting just unusually bad and we'll kind of be like a little bit confused by it. And then we'll look and we'll say, but you know what, we're not super healthy right now. Like, we're not taking care of our souls like we should. We're not taking care of our marriage like we should. And what we'll often recognize is they're feeding off our dysfunction.
[00:13:41] And so we'll say, okay, we need to change course here so they can feed off something healthier. And here's what I'm saying. Speed of the leader, speed of the team. Change begins with us. And so I would just ask you, how are you growing in wisdom?
[00:14:02] And one just real quick way to practice that is I Love Galatians 6 because it lists out the fruits of the spirit.
[00:14:11] These are qualities of character that God wants to grow in each of us. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control.
[00:14:22] And one way to grow in wisdom is just to say, lord, what fruit do you want to grow in my life right now out of those? Love, joy, peace, patience, all those. Which one do you want to grow in? And if you're a parent, if you're a grandparent, just start there. Be like, lord, I know you want these in me. They can't all grow at once. Which one do you want now today to focus on? And you can begin to grow.
[00:14:48] Maybe you can just begin to grow in insight. Like, pay attention to what's going on. All right, let's like, man, every time, every time this happens, our family goes into this mode. What is the pattern?
[00:15:01] Learn from it. What awareness can God bring? Insight that would be helpful and maybe knowledge. What knowledge do I have to go after?
[00:15:11] Do I have to seek out? Do I have to learn for the sake of my family?
[00:15:16] Now, that's the first thing. Here's the second thing I would say, is that we need a vision for our families that inspires us.
[00:15:26] I was challenged recently by another pastor, and he said that if you're a pastor, you have a vision for the church, you know where you want it to go because you've prayed about it and you've asked God and you've thought about it and you've poured out your heart figuring it out. And we very much believe in that as a church. And that's why we're in the season that we're in, because we believe God gave us a vision and a dream of the type of church he wants us to be. And we sold our building and we're working towards breaking ground and building a new building. And we're in transition in a rental. And that's all because of a vision of looking at the future and saying, God, we think that you have this for us and we're going to Move towards us. And I think vision is such a healthy part of life. But this pastor said, you should have as great a vision for your family as you have for your church.
[00:16:22] And I was like, man, that is such a healthy challenge for me, because I know how to do it for my church, but I need to learn how to do it for my family, too. To say, lord, what do you want to do in our family? Because this is your family and you've entrusted it to me, but what do you want for it? And I just recently read this great book called to the 10th generation. It's by Ray and Janie Ortland, and I've been so incredibly inspired by it. But they kind of asked this whole question about having a vision for their family. And here's the vision that they landed on, and I just. I love it. They said that we want 10 generations of our descendants to know and love and serve Jesus Christ.
[00:17:13] And they said that we're going to be. We're going to be the first generation. And then for 10 generations, which is about 200 years, we want every descendant after us to grow in their love, their knowledge, and their service of Jesus Christ.
[00:17:30] And this would go on for 200 years. I was like, what an awesome vision. And so they said this. They said, and if a generation comes of age every 20 years or so, we're now praying that every one of our descents would love the Lord Jesus Christ with a true heart above all else for the next 200 years. And so then they say, so what does that mean today?
[00:17:55] How do we have to raise our kids today? How do we have to.
[00:17:59] What do we have to impart to them? What foundation do you want to build? See, that's a vision that is inspiring.
[00:18:06] And mom and dad, we need a vision for our families.
[00:18:12] What do we want to see happen through our family?
[00:18:15] And let's pray and let's ask God, or let's just steal this vision. This is a great one. They actually kind of calculated the number of people that this would be, and it is 55,000 people. If they kind of follow their family's trajectory, what a way to change the world. And you know what? We all have this potential. We just might not have a vision.
[00:18:39] And I think we need a greater vision than just surviving or just getting through the next sports season or getting through the next phase of education. We need a vision that's inspired by God and glorifies God. And I would just encourage you to make that a point of prayer or conversation as you think about your family. Now here's the third big thing. I would say we can sturdy and enrich our families by embracing God's ideas. And I want to share some scriptures with you that speak to each different member, if you will, in our family.
[00:19:16] But here's the first thing that I think. In our families, one of the best things we can do to sturdy it and to enrich it is to treasure together God's word, the Scriptures. Here's what the book of Colossians said. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. What if the words of Christ dwelled in our families richly? Do you think that would make a difference?
[00:19:49] Of course it would. When it dwells in us, it changes us, it guides us, it strengthens us, it enriches us in every way. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness and your hearts to God.
[00:20:11] And just kind of, what would it be like to bring the Scriptures into a greater place of prominence in our families? Like, just very simply, what if just as a family, like every week, every week, you just picked a verse and you just talked about it.
[00:20:29] You just said eight. Just family.
[00:20:32] We're just gonna talk about this. Like, I just wanna bring this up a couple times throughout this week. There's so many different ways we could kind of easily bring this to our families a little bit more. And I just think it would make such a difference.
[00:20:50] Here's the second thing is that the Bible says one of the best things husbands can do is focus on loving their. Not lies, but wives. Little typo there, but loving their wives in costly ways. Here's what Ephesians says. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. See, the nature of Christ's love was not a momentary feeling, but it was an act of self sacrifice.
[00:21:26] And real love is not just, you know, a feeling in your stomach, but it's a willingness to sacrifice for the good of the other.
[00:21:36] And what the New Testament, the most frequent call on husbands is to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And so husbands, if we focus on that, it's going to strengthen and enrich our family. Am I loving my wife? Not. Not. Look, I know you're paying the bills, I know you're working hard, I know you're. A lot of times this isn't every husband, but a lot of times most husbands think, well, yeah, I love them, I provide for them, and yes, that is great and that is a loving act. But that's not quite enough.
[00:22:15] That may not be how they interpret and understand love.
[00:22:20] And we as husbands, we have to figure out what that looks like for our wives and be as committed to that as we are for providing for their needs.
[00:22:32] And that's our focus. Then Paul says, but wives can focus on respecting their husbands. Here's what he says in Ephesians 5, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself. That's the main call to husbands. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Now, this doesn't mean that husbands shouldn't respect their wives. Of course, we should both do the other as well.
[00:22:58] We both need to practice love and respect. But what Paul is saying is that if your wife feels loved, you're gonna typically meet a majority of the needs in the marriage for her.
[00:23:13] And if the husband feels respected, then you're gonna meet the majority of the needs for the husband and the marriage. You with me? In other words, those are little nuances to men and women in marriage that if a guy feels like, you know what, my wife respects me. She doesn't demean me, she encourages me, she supports me, she doesn't nag. You know, she speaks in ways that I can receive and hear from. Like, we all know the ugliness of being disrespected.
[00:23:46] And quite honestly, sometimes we're really disrespectful to our spouses, but it doesn't make an enriched family.
[00:23:57] And our kids see it and they practice it and they pass it on. So Paul says, so wives, if you can give your husband a sense that he, that, that you respect him, that you think he's a good man, you appreciate, you give him praise and encouragement for what he does. It goes a long way in a man's heart.
[00:24:20] And then Paul says, and as parents, mom and dad together, the thing that we can focus most on, and if you put all these New Testament teachings together, it basically says these two things. Train your kids and don't discourage them.
[00:24:36] Train them, help them to know how to be responsible and healthy adults as God's people. And do it in a way that is encouraging, not discouraging. So as parents, we can focus on encouragement and training. Am I training them or am I kind of passing on some really unhealthy habits that aren't going to serve them well? Am I relating to them in ways that, that aren't going to be life giving? So we can focus on that. And as kids, as sons and daughters, the main focus for them is to honor your mother and father.
[00:25:12] And the Bible says that if you do that, it will go well with you.
[00:25:18] Here's what that means. In other words, kids, sons and daughters. And even if you're adult son and daughter, this is still the same. If you honor your parents, God says, I will give you a blessing for that.
[00:25:33] Look, there's no perfect parents. And all of us that are watching here today, you're gonna try and do the best you can, but you're still gonna fail. You're still gonna mess up. You're not gonna be able to do all things right all the time.
[00:25:47] And so what the Bible says is, look, sons and daughters, you gotta give your parents grace.
[00:25:52] And if you honor them, which means you speak well of them, you give them the benefit of the doubt, you respect them, you try to do them good, all that kind of thing, if you honor them, then God will fill in the gaps in your life and in my life. And so you could just kind of sum this all up by what Paul says in Romans 12, that we can enrich our families by treasuring and honoring each other. He says, outdo one another and showing honor.
[00:26:25] And today, as you think about this, you might be, like, really discouraged. You might be like, well, Chad, that's all good, but it's probably too little, too late. Or, man, my family is facing these huge challenges. You might just be really coming out of a season of discouragement, and you're lacking hope. But I just want to give you one encouragement before we close today, your family might feel like a mess.
[00:26:52] And I want you to know all of our families are a mess.
[00:26:56] You bring broken people together, and you make them moms and dads, sons and daughters, aunts and uncles. It's always going to be a bit messy, but I also want you to know God is the source and Savior of our family. Here's what I mean. Paul says, for this reason, I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and earth is named. What that means is, God is the ultimate source of your family.
[00:27:27] God is the beginning of it. God is the One who created it. And if he built it, he can rebuild it.
[00:27:35] If it's broken, the One who made it can fix it. The one from whom it comes can restore it. He is the Source, and He is the Savior. And so I just want to end today by saying a prayer together for our families. And I want you to say this prayer with me as an act of inviting God to the very center of your family and trusting him with your family. And if you're watching this as a family. I'm going to ask you to do something really awkward.
[00:28:09] Just stand up right now, join hands as a family. Yeah, I'm serious. Go ahead. Do that right now. And not only join hands, but interlock your hands. You know, let's make this real awkward. Go ahead. Just get.
[00:28:26] Get ready.
[00:28:28] I'm going to just keep dragging this out as long as I can. But no, I want to say this prayer together and trust our families and. And let me just read it to you and you pray it in your heart. As I read it, it says this. O God, our Savior, we are no longer our own, but yours.
[00:28:45] Put us to what you will, rank us with, whom you will put us to doing, Put us to suffering.
[00:28:52] Let us be employed for you or laid aside for you. Exalted for you, or brought low for you. Let us be full, let us be empty, Let us have all things, let us have nothing.
[00:29:05] We freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to your pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, you are ours and we are yours.
[00:29:21] So be it.
[00:29:22] And the covenant we've made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.
[00:29:28] Amen.
[00:29:31] Now that is kind of a dangerous prayer in a way.
[00:29:35] Or it can feel that way because you're giving everything to God. But I want you to know what feels like a dangerous prayer is actually the safest prayer you could ever say for your family. Lord, it's all yours.
[00:29:48] Here is my family. My hands and my heart is open.
[00:29:53] Do what you want. Because above all, I trust you and I need you. And I can't do this without you. Church, the very best place our families can be are right in God's hands.
[00:30:09] And let's keep trusting it to him. Thanks for tuning in. The Lord bless you.
